rationality

people see me as someone really rational...especially when moolahs come into the picture. its not about being stingy; its about spending on stuffs thats really worth it. had i not be 'stingy' enough, i wouldnt be able to explore one teeny weeny part of europe before taking a flight home for the summer.

fyi, sponsors dont provide you the moolah to fly home for summer vacation.

but when it comes to the more emotions-related kinda decisions, being rational is hard. no joke.

ive told myself...no, rather, ive warned myself to try not to be bothered about it. i told myself repeatedly to shrug off each thought about it every time it pops up in my mind. it seemed to work but as i lay on my bed quietly each night, pulling my bolster closer to my chest, i feel a slight sense of bitterness without fail.

i keep asking why it happened. why must it happen as ive decided to come home for the summer. why do i have to go through this pile of messy and emotional nonsense?

i tried to be rational. i know i have to move on. but it still hurts. why is being rational so hard?